When shopping for the holidays, better to be safe than sorry

You could call it a mistake that only a newlywed would make.

It was Christmas Eve 1988. I was down to the final seconds of the holiday shopper’s equivalent of the two-minute warning. Fourth down and a Christmas gift to go.

Most of my shopping was done, but I needed one more present for my wife. Sure, I could have gone for the obvious – earrings, a watch perhaps, perfume, or maybe a pretty jewelry box. But being the hopeless romantic that I am, I went for a category of gift that would melt any woman’s heart – sporting goods.

In the window of a store I saw a fielder’s glove, and since my wife once expressed a remote interest in learning to play softball, viola! I decided it was truly the perfect Christmas gift.

Now I’m sure you’re thinking it was terribly unromantic of me to buy a fielder’s glove for my new bride on Christmas, but in my defense I would like to point out that it was a Wade Boggs fielder’s glove, autographed in fake factory pen right there on the glove.

Okay, truth be told, on a scale from one to ten, my gift rated a two - two as in the number of nights I had to sleep on the couch. Actually, my wife accepted her gift quite graciously, and for the record, she still uses her baseball mitt when we toss the softball around during the summer.

Nonetheless, I resolved to mend my ways, and I’ve since given the task of matrimonial Christmas shopping considerably more thought.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t swift enough to learn my lesson when it came to other holidays. One Valentine’s Day I came home from work with nothing. Zilcho. Nada…no candy, no flowers, no card. My wife was very understanding, but I could tell she was not her usual, bubbly self.

Again it was fourth down, figuratively speaking, but this time there were still a few ticks left on the clock. Facing the prospect of spending Valentine’s night alone on the couch, the highlight of which would have been watching the World Badminton Finals from Jakarta on ESPN3, I rallied late to score flowers, candy and a card before time expired. It was a two-minute drill worthy of John Elway.

The moral of this Christmas story is simple. To all of my brethren, you gentleman shoppers out there, whether you’ve been married a day or 50 years, heed my warning: Just a few moments of thoughtful planning can save you many hours of restive slumber on the living room couch. Keep the peace at home. Shop early, shop often and happy holidays.

written by Andy McDonald